“Should old aquaintance be forgot…GET DOWN!!!”

Salutations!

You have successfully made it to the new home of the Scumblog. This will be where all future posts will come from, so plan accordingly.  Props to my dear fiance, Jessi, for designing the tremendously unflattering header you see above these lines of “nonsense speak.” But seriously, I think it conveys the correct message.  Whilst we are on the subject of Jessi, skate on over to her blog at http://futuremrsleonard.blogspot.com/ You will not regret it.

Now… if yee be prepared both mentally and physically, pour yourself a glass of your favorite beverage, get out your bookmark, file this under “uninteresting,” strap in, and join me as we ride our blazing chariot into the next decade…and beyond! Sku!

Hopefully, I’m the last person to wish you a Happy New Year.  I trust anyone who reads this helped usher in the year 2010 by administering some much needed liver abuse with excessive alcohol consumption…and god bless you for that.  You, good sir (or ma’am), are a patriot.

While we are on the subject of the new year, I would like to say that the current year is pronounced “twenty ten,” as opposed to “two-thousand and ten.”  I feel like this should not even be up for discussion.  I mean, when was the last time you heard someone say “Last Action Hero, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, was the greatest movie of the year nineteen hundred and ninety three?”

Sure, the statement is true, but saying it like that sounds like it’s coming from one of Julius Caesar’s announcers right before 6 men murdered each other at the Coliseum.

Coliseum Announcer: “LET IT BE KNOWN TO ALL WHO SIT IN THE PRESENCE OF ALMIGHTY CAESAR…THAT ‘LAST ACTION HERO’, STARRING ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, WAS THE GREATEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR NINETEEN HUNDRED AND NINETY THREE!  GLADIATORS…AT YOUR READY!

(crowd begins to chant “Blood, Blood, Blood!”)

In a bit of exiting, non-Gladiator news since the new year, Jessi and I are currently in the market for a new computer, and I believe we are making the switch to a Macintosh machine.  I can almost feel your excitement about reading that because, honestly, who doesn’t like to read about normal, everyday purchases from people who aren’t them?!?! Who, I ask you? WHO?!

All it means to you is that shortly, there will be a considerable upgrade to the amount of user generated content on this blog.  The machine that I currently operate on is, in a word, garbage.  There are two items from my past in particular which will see light of day for the first time in several years upon arrival of the new computer.  I’m just saying…It’s gonna eat your lunch.

HINT: One video is a “hunting” show and the other is a cop drama.  Be on the lookout.

After two unsuccessful trips to see Avatar in IMAX 3D, I am unsure if I will ever actually see it in a movie theater.  My expectations remain low, so if I ever do see it, whatever James Cameron.  It certainly seems as if there are several other schmos that have paid for that G5 you fly around in.

It really is almost nauseating how successful of a movie director he is, but that is probably my overwhelming jealousy talking.  Whatever my feelings are to Mr. Cameron, he did bring the world Terminator 2: Judgment Day and True Lies.  For that, I am forever in his debt.

I have just noticed the amount of Arnold Schwarzenegger references I have written in the brief history of this blog.  Well, what kind of guide would I be if I did not provide you with real, tangible proof of the pure cinematic excellence of Arnold Schwarzenegger?  Ask and you shall receive, dear pilgrim…

Note the Sally Jessie Raphael reference, and Arnold’s contempt for animals.

As I watch that, I can actually feel new hairs sprouting on my chest.  If any of you are fans of the HBO series “Big Love,” you probably recognized Bill “Hendrickson” Paxton getting his face smashed by Arnold right as Bill is describing Arnold’s wife as having an “ass like a ten year old boy.”  Oh my. How enticing!  I have known my share of  “douche douchertons” over time, but no matter how sexist, demeaning, or objectifying they are of women, I cannot imagine a scenario in which “ass like a ten year old boy” would enter the vernacular.

For those of you who know me other than the words I write here, you are probably aware of my affinity for 80’s era heavy metal.  So allow me to give you your final, embarrassingly late, Christmas present.  It’s a little song called “I’ll be home for Christmas.”  Twisted Sister, take it away…

Till We Meet Again,

JL

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